Every parent of a child in diapers wants to know: When should we start potty training?
12 months old? 18 months? 2 years? 3? 5????? I can’t wait that long!
Just relax… There is no perfect time to start potty training. You’ll start when you start. But there are cues to look for to know if your child is ready.
Every kid is ready at a different time. Even siblings may start potty training with different methods and at different times.
Two Key Questions
Two things you need to ask yourself:
- Is my kid ready to potty train?
- Am I excited to start potty training?
First off, if your kid’s not emotionally, mentally, or physically ready to potty train, then you’re wasting your time.
Secondly, an equally sized part of your success depends on your attitude.
Are you excited to teach your kid how to use the toilet?
Are you going to be upbeat and positive throughout the process?
Can you potty train your toddler with a smile even when you’re wiping pee off the floor for the fifteenth time today!? (Don’t worry, I’m just exaggerating. Kind of.)
If so, then you might be ready for this next milestone in your child’s life.
The Potty Training Mindset
Potty training can be a frustrating experience because you really have no control over your kid peeing or pooping in a toilet!
Like the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” you can put a child on the toilet, but you can’t make him pee.
Yeah I came up with that on my own. Feel free to quote me.
If you don’t have the right mindset, this lack of control could be extremely frustrating and a source of anxiety for you and your poor un-potty trained child.
But I have faith in you. You can be patient and kind… and potty train your toddler!
Signs of Readiness for Potty Training
Determining whether you and your child are ready to start potty training requires some observation skills.
Do you know your child? Do you? Really?
Because some kids will exhibit all the signs of readiness in the world, and their parents have not noticed because they weren’t looking for it.
Lucky for you, I’m going to share 11 signs of potty training readiness so you’ll know exactly what to look for.
(Any of these signs of readiness might occur, not necessarily ALL of them.)
- Waking up dry from naps (typically between 18-24 months old)
- Staying dry for two-hour periods
- Waking up dry in the morning
- Expresses need for a diaper change
- Stops playing to poop
- Hides to poop or routinely poops in a “special” location
- Interested in using the toilet
- Predictable bowel movements
- Follows simple instructions and is eager to please
- Seems uncomfortable with wet or dirty diapers
- Wants to wear grown-up underwear
Wait for signs like these to appear regularly (2 or more consecutive days, at least) before deciding your child is physically ready for potty training.
You are the parent. Use your instinct and observation to decide whether your child is ready to embark on the journey to diaper-free living.
And then celebrate, because having a toilet-trained child is a dream if all you’ve ever known is changing dirty diapers!
If you decide your kid is not ready, don’t give up just yet. Here are 17 different ways to prepare your child for potty training without actually starting to potty train.
When NOT to start Potty Training
Most potty training articles won’t tell you to not potty train. I’m going to break that mold, and hopefully I won’t get eggs thrown at my house for telling you not to potty train!
Potty training has enough of its own challenges. You want to start potty training from a good place.
If your kid is going through some stuff, like being defiant, or teething, or maybe your family is moving, you may want to rethink starting potty training during this season.
It can be frustrating to wait when you are so ready to just get this done, but I’m telling you, it’s going to be a long, hard road.
Here are a few things that will hinder your potty training efforts if you’re going through this currently. These are issues that are MORE IMPORTANT than potty training.
There. I said it. Don’t potty train if your child is going through some of these issues.
Using a bottle. Taking away the bottle AND potty training? Yikes. I’m shaking in my chair just thinking about it! Children using a bottle beyond a year old are doing so out of comfort. Until they are secure enough to find comfort outside of the bottle, they may not be ready for potty training.
Not sleeping through the night. Occasionally not sleeping through the night? No biggie. Consistently not sleeping through the night? Tough luck! Toddlers (aged 1-2) need 11-14 hours of sleep on average! Have you ever tried to sit through a class or day of work on zero sleep and without caffeine? Did you learn anything? Were you productive? I’m guessing no. How can we expect our kids to learn something new and behave if they’re running on not enough sleep?
Sleeping in your bed with you. I’ve got one word for you: accidents. Nighttime accidents will happen when you start potty training. Do you really want them in your bed when that happens?
On an inconsistent daytime routine or does not nap consistently. Potty training will throw your schedule out of whack. Again, it’s best to start from a good place where your child knows what’s coming next before you start messing with the comfort and security of their routines.
Going through a defiant or resistant phase. I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but let’s talk about it anyway. Potty training relies on your child obeying and following instructions. If she’s going through a defiant phase, she’s definitely not going to sit on the potty to pee. This is why we started potty training when our oldest was a bit younger. She was so compliant and obedient, and we didn’t know how long it would last!
Having nightmares or exhibiting overly clingy behavior. This is tough. When you’re in this phase, it seems neverending. There could be some fears or uncertainty your child is feeling that is causing these behaviors. Get to the root of the cause and deal with it in a loving way. Then you all can keep moving forward.
Going through major life changes. For instance,
- the birth of a new sibling,
- teething,
- moving into a new home,
- starting a new school or a new day care,
- death of a loved one,
- significant illness or hospitalization, or
- parents splitting up/fighting.
You need to be there for your child when life gets hard. Starting potty training when their world is being thrown upside down is not going to end well. You’ve got to start from a good place yourself, too.
Put on your own oxygen mask first, and then help your child put on his. And THEN you can finally start potty training.
Books on Potty Training
These are my two favorite books on potty training. (Kind of sad, really, to have favorite potty training books, whatever happened to my social life?)
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- Stress-Free Potty Training: A Commonsense Guide to Finding the Right Approach for Your Child by Sara Au and Peter L. Stavinoha, MD
- This guide approaches potty training by looking at the personality of a toddler! I love this approach. There’s no one-size-fits-all method to potty training, and this book will help you find the one that works for your kid’s personality and style of learning.
- I think this is especially helpful for parents who have very different personalities from their kids. It’ll help you understand where your little one is coming from so you can meet him where he’s at.
- Take the quiz in the book, then read the chapter corresponding to your child’s personality to find out how to best potty train your unique little angel.
- Oh Crap! Potty Training by Jaime Glowacki
- If you’re looking for a laugh and are bored to tears by the technical stuff, then this is the book for you.
- It’s a great guide to potty training in 3 days with a 6 step method. Glowacki really cuts the crap and just tells it how it is. I found this book to be very motivating. Do it once and do it right.
Are You Ready to Potty train Your Toddler?
Potty training can fill us with fear, or it can be something we look forward to. Who doesn’t want a fully toilet-trained child and an end to poopy diapers?
Two key components of potty training readiness is a child’s willingness to learn and the parents’ attitude.
You are the one who will help your child reach this significant milestone.
Your child needs your patience, perseverance, and leadership.
Are you ready to start? Check out these additional posts on potty training.
